Right. Moving on from the other night….
So, what else has been going on? ALEX. Yes, sweet little Alex has been going on. His symptoms of Autism and whatever else he has in addition seem to be more and more prominent in the past month or so. I have no idea if this is because this is normal as a child with his disabilities grows older, if these are new things that we must be accustomed to, or if it due to stress? And, he has to be enrolled in school this fall. This is tough. School here – it’s not easy, perfection is priority, it’s not fun, it’s not creative and there are many unsupervised times during the school day. (I could tell you all of the stories from all of our kids that have gone to elementary school here but I won’t just now… ) Alex, in this environment? You’ve got to be kidding me. The only way he will somehow survive is if we can give him a head start on all of the school material now so that by the time he starts in the middle of September it’ll be the 2nd time for him. But I can’t get in his head. I can’t figure out how he can learn to read, or remember. For the past two weeks he has all of a sudden started writing his name completely backwards. Instead of Alex T. It’s T XELA. This morning we tried writing the numbers 1, 2 and 3. They’ve done this for the past year at his kindergarten. But he couldn’t do it. We practiced the number 2 over and over and over again. I came up with a story of why the line needs to be drawn the way it is…First we go up the apple hill and then we come down and then we go straight home! He giggled his way through the story each time but was unsuccesful at making any recognizable 2 unless if I was holding his hand. The thing is, we did this same EXACT story with the number 2 last summer. And, he’s been doing it this year at school too. So, how is his brain processing? Letters – whew – even more difficult than numbers. I just wish I could get in his head. If only I knew how things clicked or didn’t click…oh Alex. I so desire for him to have a fair start at school this fall. And, if he could learn how to read…oh wow, what a better chance in so many things in life for him then…
In addition, it has been extremely emotional over the past 3 weeks as we have finally come to a decision about Alex. He will be moving to one of our family homes, hopefully in September. This is a decision that was throughly discussed and prayed for over the past year. The family loves Jesus and, we feel, will really invest in learning how to love Alex and how to accept him into their family. He knows the family well, and he would continue to attend the same church that we already attend. But, I would be lying if I didn’t shed quite a few tears over this. I am filled with joy that a forever family is finally his to have and I am filled with loss knowing that this little boy, who shared a crib with Caleb, will be calling someone other than me, Mama. I have agonized, truly, over the decision in general to whether or not I should adopt Alex as well. It has been an emotional, steep, mountain climb these 3 weeks … I know he won’t leave until September-ish but it’s final now, you know? Caleb has been having a really tough time as well with this. He goes from being Alex’s almost brother to treating him so awful these days. I often feel I don’t have the wisdom enough to be a good Mom to the two of them together! It’s Monday now, so we are without Alex until Thursday. Hoping to have some special snuggle time with Caleb and let him know it’s okay to be upset about Alex leaving 😦
I’m turning 30, well, on Wednesday actually. On Sunday I set up an ice cream sundae deal so that Caleb, Alex and the other boys could enjoy celebrating Mama’s/Kelsey’s birthday, too 🙂