It’s been so long. So long since my heart and mind have had a rest from all the goings-on of constant need here. I wonder sometimes how Jesus must have felt in the midst of a crowd. Can you imagine how it must have been to actually see the extent of the need, the history of it and know that with just a thought those needs could be immediately met? I feel most days that I’m in a massive crowd of people, all with needs. I am not Jesus, and for that I’m grateful. While He had the power to heal and fix, He also saw ALL. I see only in part and yet it’s too much. Thank you Jesus for being the Lord, Yahweh, our personal and mighty God. The only one.
The trouble, for me at least, is that unless you walk out of the crowd – away from the crowd, you are always IN the crowd. Can you imagine trying to take a day off while standing in the middle of crowd? Maybe a bit humorous, but it’s almost impossible. The times I’ve been able to walk away from the crowd have been so few in the past seven years. There hasn’t been the freedom to do so. When I walked out, then I had to leave Caleb. That never worked out well – he was a wreck, I was a wreck. Although, I did it when necessary. But now, soon, there’ll be the freedom for both of us to leave. Next fall, hopefully, the adoption will be completely finished. It’s like the light at the end of the tunnel, in a way. I’ll be able to leave the crowd and finally have time to rest, be restored and begin processing all that has happened.
Sometimes I don’t know what I’d do here if we didn’t have our team time of worshipping each Monday night. Whether I have the guitar in my hands or not, I never fail to experience rest, restoration and intimacy with the Lord as our team sings, prays, studies the Word together. Last night was an especially powerful time of singing – prayer – being led by the Holy Spirit. There was such raw emotion from everyone last night. The words of the songs were cries from our innermost beings. Just went on and on in His presence…
On that note, I found this song this morning and it brought my soul back to that place before God as it was last night.
I hope it encourages you – helps you draw out from the crowd – bring some rest and restoration to you day.