I feel like I have ADD this morning. Started off with waking up WAY too late. 8:20am. Dang it, I turned my alarm off. Why did I do that? I KNOW I have to get up before 7. I KNOW I have to study before the boys wake up. I KNOW that turning my alarm off sets the entire day off on a spin cycle I don’t enjoy. I KNOW I will feel behind until I go to sleep tonight and be stressed out until that point as well. So why do I do it? Arrggghhh. I don’t know! One thing for sure, my ars is going to be up when that alarm goes off tomorrow! For some reason though, in addition to the feeling like today is running ahead of me and I can’t catch up, it’s like I have ADD. I can’t concentrate and am easily distracted. I’m trying to blame it on the fact that I’m freezing (I refuse to turn the heat on) so I’m too cold to concentrate. Can that be a reason? Please? PLEASE?? No, it can’t be? Dang it. I need to study, I need to plan for group times at the orphanage this week, I need to go to the bank, I need to go through town and pay bills, I need to figure out how the heck to make a bow and arrow (Caleb insisted this morning that this afternoon we are making bow and arrows) and that is just the list of the “needs.” There is a whole other list of “wants.” But I can’t concentrate, can’t get anything done! I think my ADD complex today was sparked by the fact that earlier today I found out that for the FIRST TIME in SIX YEARS I will be with FAMILY at Thanksgiving. Like flesh and blood family. Like Winters family members being here, in person, for Thanksgiving. My brother and sister-in-law are heading back to the States from Zambia and are going to stop over… I’m so excited, I just don’t even know what to do. So my brain is going 2 hundred miles and hour trying to grasp the fact that I will be with my team family and some of my family-family for Thanksgiving. You don’t appreciate family Thanksgivings until you are removed from them for 6 years, trust me. Instead of being excited and opening up my study books for my course I, instead, head to the dry erase board in my kitchen to continue planning the Thanksgiving Day menu. Continue, you say? Yes, darn it, CONTINUE. I began already on Saturday. Don’t give me a bad rap for it. I also spoke with Courtney about it, the menu, on Saturday and SHE ALSO HAD BEGUN THANKSGIVING PLANNING. So if you’re giving me a hard time, head over to her blog and give her a hard time about it, too.
I have Alex most of this week…just think it’s the best for him right now. He’ll begin visits with a prospective family next week. (Oh my word, can anyone really ever prepare themselves for a child leaving?) He’s had a few “everywhere” weeks so I want him to have a consistent week before meeting with this family. All he knows is that they are friends who said that they really wanted to meet him. That’s how I’ve been talking to him about it this week so far. Yesterday he told me that when he meets the friends that “they have to talk FIRST!” So cute! I would be lying if I were to say my heart wasn’t breaking over him possibly leaving. I would be lying if I said Caleb’s heart wasn’t breaking over this as well. How? How? I don’t even know how to get me through him leaving, but Caleb? He’s 6 – just 6. How am I supposed to help him through this? And Alex, he’s just 6 too. How is he going to transition and deal with detaching from me, and all of us here, and then bonding to this new woman? Will it work? Will it be a mess? Will his special needs be too much for them to handle? Will they tuck him in at night with prayers, songs and whispers about how loved he is? Will they wake him up in the morning with smiles and big hugs? Will they “___________?”, Will they “_____________?” or will they “____________?” I love him. Don’t know why God said “no” to me being his mama…but I trust that God has a better plan for Alex. It’s scary though, not knowing…he’s just little and he’s just so special.
Some of the other boys that are in foster care, here in Marghita, are having extremely difficult times right now. One of them had to be removed from his home and we spent the past week working 24 hr. shifts with him. Very boring week for him on a very strict schedule. No toys, friends, playing etc… Another one of the boys begins a similar program this week. Please pray for them and their parents! If you want more information on why abandoned children struggle with behavioral and emotional problems you can read up on it here : http://attachment.org/
Yesterday, as I was preparing for our team’s worship night, the thought of us crying out for help and God coming to save us was overwhelming my heart. He IS our Help. He IS our rescuer. He IS our healer. He IS our Savior. He IS victory. Please join with me in praying for God’s victory in the battles with these boys. I believe that God CAN heal them. I am thankful for many wise persons, with tons of experience in RADS, that are here to help us through especially difficult times with these children.
This song…I haven’t sung it in years, not since before Romania…We sang it last night. I didn’t know if anyone knew it or not but the words of this Psalm seemed so connected to what we need right now with everything going on here.
I’m not a huge Kutless fan but the original version of this song seems a little cheesy…not so many options on YouTube, sorry!